What to Do When You Hate Your Life

Have you ever truly hated your life (or parts of it)?

You spend all week anticipating the weekend. You count down each day by the hour.  You make it to Wednesday and give a cheer that you only have to endure two more days until you get a reprieve.

Then Friday evening arrives. You made it!  But you’re so exhausted and drained you can barely do anything but “veg” out.

Then as Sunday evening comes to a close, your stomach starts to tighten and you’re filled with anxiety when you realize that you have to go to bed because Monday morning is coming on and facing the start of a new week is the one thing you dread most in your life.

If you’ve been there (or are there), you know how miserable it is.  You can’t stay in that condition long.  You’ll find a way to escape it–alcohol, entertainment, sex–anything just to get away from the dread, monotony and boredom.

Sometimes we spend our whole lives in this pattern of constantly escaping the dread of our lives.  We work from weekend to weekend, from vacation to vacation.

We settle.

Obviously, no one wants to live like this. But when you’re in that situation, you’re often overwhelmed with the enormity of the discontent. You don’t know which way to move and are terrified that if you make any change at all, you may end up in a situation that’s even worse than the one in which you find yourself.

What can you do?

May I suggest that the fact that you hate your life–or a portion of it–is a divine call for awakening. The only way through the pain and discomfort is by spiritual awakening and growth.

This isn’t a “band-aid” solution that will allow you to escape your misery. In fact, it is the opposite. It requires courage to transcend the pain and rise above the belief of insufficiency and entrapment that make you feel confined.

The only way to go through your pain
is to grow through your pain.

Your soul knows. Your soul realizes all that you are capable of being–all that you were meant to be.  That which you experience as pain is merely your soul whispering, “hey…pay attention.  You were meant for more than this!”

Awareness is the first step, and that is what the pain does.  In the body, as in the mind, pain calls you to awareness that a change needs to be made.

If you feel “dead” inside, or if you feel drained of motivation and enthusiasm, may I suggest to you that you have already come to the point of awareness.  You have looked her in the eyes.  You have felt your fear.  You have made your excuses, and you have turned away.

You have chosen to turn toward the pain of misalignment over facing the fear of uncertainty required for true growth. We all do it from time to time. You are not alone and it is not too late.

Once you recognize the truth, you can always make a different choice. Always.

What Next?

After awareness, comes the part that scares the shit out of most of us.

Taking action and surrendering the outcome.

We want guaranteed outcomes.  We want 100% assurances.  We want to believe the lie that we can mold life in such a way that will guarantee the eventuality.

The sad part is that all efforts to guarantee or assure an outcome derive from the need to control.  The need to control arises from the fear that our efforts–and more importantly, ourselves–are not enough.

The truth that you will see if you dare
to face the fear that you are enough
is that life will manifest more miraculously
than you could have ever hoped,
you will live in deep and abiding fulfillment
that you could have never orchestrated yourself,
and you will dance endlessly in the presence
of the infinite peace for which your soul so deeply longs.

You must move forward. You must do that thing from which you had previously turned away.  You must search within yourself to find the courage to rise to your greatest potential.

Then, you must do the thing that seems most improbable.  You must surrender the outcome. I don’t mean you need to give up (or give in).  Surrender, in this case, means simply recognizing and being at peace with the fact that you have fully done  your part. You have contributed all you can.  Then the rest is out of your hands.

When you can be at peace with not knowing how it will all turn out, you have found where the miracles hide because you have released the silly notion that you can control or orchestrate the outcome.  This is what makes the miracle a miracle.

The Danger of Comparison

Let’s bring this down to where we live again.  We’ve kinda floated up into the clouds in the previous paragraphs.  Don’t get me wrong–there is some really good stuff there, but let’s get practical.

Face it. One of the reasons–perhaps the reason–you hate your life is because you are comparing your circumstances, situations or outcomes to someone else.

Here’s how it broke down for me.  See if you can relate.

A few years ago I was really unhappy with my life.  No, I was miserable. I was stressed out and frustrated and I was literally making myself sick.

If you’ve read my book, then you know the story of how I was working in a hospital next to the morgue.  Every day was drudgery.

Once I recognized the message, I began to look for ways to experience more joy in the middle of my circumstance.  As I made that subtle internal adjustment, the external began to shift dramatically.

My partner–seemingly miraculously–got a job in a new state and all of my circumstances shifted at the same time.  But then I became discontent again.

I saw him manifest amazing things effortlessly.  He was making more than he had ever made in his life. Circumstances changed at work and he was given responsibility for multi-million dollar marketing budgets.  He was gaining valuable experience and opportunities just seemed to flow into his experience.

I was thrilled for him but frustrated at the same time. I saw him allowing these amazing circumstances to flow into his life experience and I wanted the same experience.

Do you see what happened there?  My wanting was the belief in lack–which perpetuated more of the same.  For me, it’s a slippery slope.

wanted what he had so badly.  I didn’t want his job or his specific circumstances, but I wanted the effortless way in which he seemed to create his reality, all of which lined up serendipitously with his ultimate goal of being an executive.

Why can’t I create my circumstances just as easily?  Why don’t things line up for me in the same way they do for him? I began to wonder.

I was so distracted by the want for how he had created his reality, that I became miserable in my own. Nothing seemed to go right. I took a job to “get by” until things smoothed out.  I was frustrated and felt trapped.

This is the danger of comparison.  You begin to compare your life and your path to someone else’s and you lose sight of the power you do have in your own life.

I began to tell the story (and worse, to believe it) that something in him was different than me.  He just had the ability to manifest without question. In some way, his life was “magical”.  I was romanticizing his reality and demonizing my own.  If that is not a definition for hell on earth, I don’t know what is!

Then I made a life-changing discovery. Each journey is perfect for the one traveling it.  Your journey is your journey. Within your journey lie the challenges you must face and the lessons you must learn.  The same is true for each one of us.

The frustration and feeling of entrapment comes when you become distracted by and try to appropriate another’s journey.

I was so unhappy because I was looking over at my partner’s experience and comparing it to my own. No wonder I was creating misery in my own experience.  I had quit living my life and was trying to live his–in my space and time.  It doesn’t work.

The Blessing of Comparison

Comparison isn’t all bad.  How can you use this tool effectively and positively? Comparison, done right, allows you to see what is possible. It allows you to dream a bigger dream and cast a bigger vision.

winnerWhen other runners saw Roger Bannister run the “impossible” 4-minute mile, they began to dream that dream for themselves.

Eventually, you will get to the place where you inspire your own greatest dreams.  Once Michael Phelps saw that it was possible to win 8 Olympic gold medals in 2008, he realized that it was possible to come back in 2012 and become the most decorated Olympian of all time.

Don’t doubt that there is a child in a gym or aquatic center somewhere in the world who will one day overturn Phelps’ record–not because it will be easy, but because she has seen that it is possible.

What is possible in your life? Are you willing to give up living someone else’s journey?  Are you willing to face your fear and step into the power that lies within you?  How will you live differently today with what you now know?

I’d love to hear and be inspired by your story…even if you’re just starting out or going through some course corrections.  Share in the comments.

Photo Credit: Brandon Warren,
Creative Commons License Dhilung Kirat 

About Steve

Hi, I'm Steve Rice and my goal is to transform simple philosophical truths into practical fuel to revolutionize your life. It's not about self-help, it's about self-reliance. I show you how. Connect with me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and let me know how I can help you.

  • Yas

    Thanks for the article. Helpful read.

  • Christina Hu

    Thank you for writing such an insightful article. I can relate to every single detail that you wrote. It’s funny how you accurately explained the thought process I’ve been living on for as long as I can remember. Even back in grade school, I would count down the days and years until I’d reach high school, college, and the next step onwards. Recently, I’ve been experiencing life-changing setbacks that caused me to be paralyzed with fear. It’s true that I would compare my own circumstances with other people more privileged than I am. It’s also true that I’m scared to take any action for fear that I would end up with a worse outcome. I hope to read more helpful pieces from you.

    • Thank you so much for stopping by my site, @mariachristinahu:disqus. I’m grateful you could relate to what I shared. Setbacks can be terrifying and cause us to doubt our intuition.

      Remember when you get to that place of debilitating fear that everyone faces setbacks, so try not to personalize it (i.e. “I’m a failure” or “I’m so incompetent”).

      Failure is not really about your capability or your potential. It’s all about execution. Maybe you didn’t have enough information, or you hadn’t built the skills to execute your plan effectively…but it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing so. You have learned. As Maya Angelou says, “Because I now know better, I will do better.” It’s a great affirmation for you to use.

      Is there a specific area or circumstance that you are struggling with now or a situation you are facing that scares you? I would be happy to write an article or share any insights that I have to try and help you move beyond that obstacle.

      Cheering for your best!

  • LostGirlinMD

    I so needed to read this. It describes exactly how I have felt for far too long. Beautifully written and spot on.

    • So glad that u reached this article at a time when u needed it. I’m grateful it wasinsightful and iI hope helpful. Namaste

  • carlos

    i really liked the way you explained but i don’t think i can change ,,, My existence was a mistake ,, it kills me always inside ………….

    • Carlos (that was my uncle’s name) 🙂 I am sorry that u feel helpless and hopeless. Your life is not a mistake even if u feel depressed. You are God’s child. You are connected to divine love in the core of who u are and that can heal anything.

      • carlos

        Do you think that God will change my life one day ……. i’m afraid dat i can’t change and still no hope …….

        • I don’t know if God will change your life but you definitely can. I know because I have done it. I hope that knowing that it is possible will relight the flame of hope within you.

  • Kanchan k

    What if it makes no sense? What if im living the life my parents want me to live and the one i hate but now, its too late!!! I wanted to study humanities but due to parental pressure and my cowardice i opted science!!! Each day, the hate goes on increasing and i dont know how will i live 7 yrs of my life like this!!! I have tried to kilk myself but turns out, i dont have guts :(((( what do i do?!?!

    • Thanks for stopping by @kanchan_k:disqus. First thing–if you’re depressed to the point that you’re suicidal, please reach out to get appropriate professional help. See a counselor. Reach out to your community support organization or local healthcare facility. (even if you feel like you don’t have the guts). You can do this. Reach out, because you’re not alone.

      If you are living someone else’s life (the one your parents want), only you can change this. There’s not magic pill or formula. Sadly, it will take a ton of guts and probably require you to set good boundaries and be willing to risk the disappointment of others. But it’s worth it to live the life that fulfills you and is life-giving instead of life-draining.

      A good counselor should also be able to help you with navigating this process as well. They will be able to help you develop tools to help with having tough conversations, etc.

      Hang in there. You can do this. It may take time. Be patient and take one step at a time.

  • InNeedOfAnAngel

    what do you do when you try to change yet no matter what god some how makes life living hell.