Personal performance expert Tony Robbins is known around the world for his ability to help people create motion  in their lives.

One of the most powerful insights I learned from him is expressed in this quote.

“Quality questions create a quality life.
Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.”

I’ve used this as a guide in my own life. I constantly look at the impact of the questions I ask (or don’t ask), knowingly or unwittingly.

The problem I sometimes struggle with is uncovering the unconscious question that is creating havoc with the results I’m getting in life.

Questions like…

When are things going to fall apart? (assuming they will)

Why can’t I get it together?

What’s wrong with me?

The list could go on and on.  I’m sure that you could fill your own list with the unconscious, and often, debilitating questions that you ask which have a direct impact upon the expectations you have of life…and therefore, the results you get from life.

A Different Question

Often, when I’m searching for the question that is creating the block in my life, I’m asking, “What is the question that’s holding me back?”

Do you see the frustration underlying this question?  Here’s a better one to ask.

How Do I Feel About the Question I’m Asking?

When you focus on how a question feels–even if you don’t know exactly what that question is–you can begin to direct the power of it.

It is not necessary to know the question holding you back. You can follow your feeling as a guide.  If you search for a higher, better feeling, you will automatically be asking a better question.

The implied question becomes, “What would I need to ask in order to feel better?”

If you would focus on that desire to feel better, then the experience will follow. Tweet This

A Practical Application

I go on “gratitude walks.” These are just a simple 15-30 minute walk through my neighborhood.  There’s nothing magical or mystical about the walk.  My only objective, aside from moving my body, is to feel grateful.

I start out with deep breaths and just focus on feeling grateful in my body.  I don’t even necessarily focus on what I’m grateful for.  I’m entirely focused on feeling good–the feeling of gratitude is one of the most powerful and addictive feelings of well-being that I’ve uncovered.

The funny thing is that as I focus on feeling more grateful, I recognize even more things that allow me to feel grateful. Soon, I’m feeling grateful for nearly everything and I can hardly keep up with expressing gratitude for each one. In that moment, I become gratitude.

Try it for yourself. Look at the feelings you’re experiencing every day. What is creating those feelings?  Instead of focusing on the what so much, focus on the how–how do you feel?  How do you want to feel? Begin to choose a better feeling, and your thoughts and emotions will follow your body.

Then life really starts to get exciting because once you shift internally, the external must align. Tweet This

Remember your first day at a new school?

Maybe it was grade school.  Maybe in university.  The gut-gnawing uncertainty. People  everywhere, yet you feel so alone.  You just want to go hide somewhere.

Life can feel like that, can’t it?

Why am I here? Why can’t I seem to get my stuff together? Why does everything seem to fall into place for others and never for me?

Frustration is the name of the game

I’ve been there. We all have.

At one point, I even wondered if I had been born into the wrong time and wrong life.  Maybe I was meant for another time and another place. Maybe I just got it wrong this life, I thought.

You didn’t get it wrong.

This is what I realized:

I don’t fit in because I wasn’t meant to. (Tweet This)

The people that seem to have it all together often don’t (and they’re just as scared and insecure as the rest of us).

We often spend our lives trying to “fit in” or “go along to get along”.  We contort ourselves and our circumstances to fit the expectations of others.

But we’re manipulating ourselves into a broken system.

You didn’t come here to fit in…

You came here to stand out. To stand up. Your sole purpose in coming to this earth–this physical life–is to remember that you’re connected.

Don’t waste time trying to plug into a power source that needs recharging. You have access to the ultimate Source. You’ve never become disconnected.  Don’t expend your energy and life time trying to connect to people and things around you in an effort to feel “right.”

Remember your connection to Source, and things will be right in your world.

Earl Nightingale, the author of the self-help classic Lead the Field tells the story of a small boy who was given a project by his father. It was a page of a magazine on which the image of the world was printed.  The father cut the page into various pieces and sent the boy off to tape them back together.

In short order, the boy returned, finished. The picture of the earth was stunningly compiled and the father asked, “How did you do that so quickly, Son?”

“Easy,” he replied. “On the other side of the world is the picture of a person. I just put the person together, and the world came together too.”

This is what I know…

I am here at the perfect time and the perfect place…perfectly equipped to do what I need to do, love who I need to love, and be who I’m meant to be.

I don’t fit in, and that’s okay. In fact, that’s exactly as it should be.

I am loved and supported.

I have done nothing wrong.

I am enough. (Tweet This)

What about you?

Have you felt “out of place” in your own life? What have you learned about life…about yourself? Please share your wisdom in the comments.

Photo Credit: David 

When I got into my car after work, I felt like crap.

Not physically.  Work wasn’t particularly stressful. No terribly cranky customers to deal with. I have no excuse.

Negativity swirled around me.  The darkest side of me relished it. If there was a negative conversation, I wanted to hear it and add my energy to it.  My nostrils were filled with the stench of it.

Feeding the Beast Drained Me

I mindlessly lavished my precious life time like cash raining down over a greedy whore.  The negativity scooped it up and siphoned it like fuel from a gas tank, until the day was done.

I was left with nothing of value.  Except perhaps this story.

A Simple Lesson in Kindness

Be Kind.

That’s all.  I failed to be kind to myself today.  I did not respect myself. I did not honor myself. I did not demand the best of my soul to show up.  I was lazy.

The only person I harmed today was me.  Whenever I am unkind to others–even in my internal attitude–the less kindness I have shown first to myself.

I Am Resolved

This is my resolution:

I will love and respect myself. I will spend the time necessary to nurture my insecurities so that they may not be turned as weapons on another. I will be gracious to myself so that I can extend grace to another. I will fill my soul with gratitude until it overflows.

Then I will reach out in kindness to my brothers and sisters. I will not turn my soul’s eye from their deep hurt. May the love that burns within me flood my life with an unquenchable flame and ravish the hearts of  humanity for we are all one of each other.  (Lest I forget)

Duration: 24:41

Author Stacy Claflin

This is a recent interview with novelist, Stacy Claflin.  Stacy is the author of The Transformed Series as well as the upcoming Chasing Mercy (May 2013) 

The Transformed, made up of Deception and Betrayal is a delight for young readers interested in the genre of supernatural thrillers.

Now, I have to admit, I’m a kid at heart, so these books were a fun read for me too!  However, I wanted to talk with Stacy and get to know a bit more about her inspiration as a novelist, her writing process and how she stays motivated and on track to produce so prolifically.

We discuss a brief overview of her books (so far), what she has planned for the series as well as upcoming projects.  We also discuss some great life lessons she has learned as a writer and self-help blogger.

Keep an eye out for Forgotten (book 3 in The Transformed series) and keep up with Stacy on her website.  Connect with her on Facebook.

Special NOTE: Take advantage of a great opportunity to pick up Deception, the first book in The Transformed series. It’s free on Kindle, this week.

• A boyfriend/girlfriend.
• A better job.
• A bigger house

Your desires are endless. And that is good.

Without desire there would be no growth. But there is a big difference between a desire for something different and the feeling of desperation caused by a belief of lack.  

What are you really saying?

“I wish I had a boyfriend because I don’t want to be alone.”
Underlying belief: I am not enough.

“I wish I had a better job so I wouldn’t feel so lost.“
Underlying belief: I can’t trust my choices, decisions and dreams.

“I wish I had a bigger house so I wouldn’t feel so worthless.“ 
Underlying belief: I am not abundant. The source of abundance is outside of me.

The desire fuels a toxic cycle of discontent even if the immediate wish is satisfied because its foundation is scarcity.

What fuels your toxic desire?

What do you feel needs to change in your life?  Is it your primary relationship?  Career? Finances?

Look for a “desperation indicator”–the place where you need things to be different than they are in order for you to feel fulfilled.

That is the place. That is your toxic desire because it is driven by desperation that something is lacking. The motivation, not the wish itself, makes it toxic.

What is a Toxic Desire?

Toxic desires come from this fundamental belief: I Am Not Enough.

Why toxic?

Toxic desires embody the most fundamental form of idolatry.  By saying, “I would be complete (i.e., happy, fulfilled, at peace) if only I had/were _________,” you negate the power of God flowing through you. You deny the spark of the divine that dwells within you.  You betray yourself at the most fundamental level of the soul.

The divine can only be limited, diminished or reduced
within the confines of your own mind, heart and experience.
(Tweet This)

The power of the divine cannot be restricted in any way. That’s impossible. But your perception and experience of that power is diminished, and you have begun to believe the first and only lie–that you lack anything when you utter the words,  I am not…

The Truth Is I AM

There is nothing that you–the infinite, undying you–are not. You are infinite love, infinite peace, infinite abundance.  Every belief to the contrary is a learned condition of your mind.  

You are here to awaken. You have come to remember what you already know–that you are enough, just as you are.  You have come to experience that knowing in waking consciousness. When you do, it will transform your life experience.

There is another way.

What if, as a child, you had been taught that you are infinitely good, powerful and kind? What if you had been trained to make more empowered choices instead of less empowered ones?  How would your life be different now?

As a parent, it is easier to say, “that’s bad and it won’t be tolerated. If you do it again, you’ll be punished” than it is to make a more enlightened choice.

We continue learning according to the “reward/punishment” model as adults.  We go through life looking for what’s “bad” so we can try to avoid it.

We think we’re being punished by life when circumstances we deem “bad” or “unfair” come into our lives. There is no punishment in life except for that with which you punish yourself, and no one else may punish you unless you have allowed it. (Tweet This)

Replace “I am not…” with “I choose…”

As an awakened adult, you have the power to make a different choice.  Any time you find “I am not…” sneaking into your mind or coming out of your mouth, replace it with “I choose…”

That’s what it takes–a new point of view, a willingness to recognize and let go of limited beliefs, and the determination not to quit or become apathetic.

All you could ever want or need lies within you already. You just have to remember it and experience it.  Your soul knows.  It will guide you. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t give up. Keep yourself engaged in life. Keep yourself excited about your future. Keep yourself curious.

You need nothing. Your soul wants nothing. The only desire you really have is to experience the significance and sufficiency of yourself.

Once you realize that life is a giant playground that’s all about you experiencing the real you, then you have truly awakened.  You have come to the sunrise of the soul, and all that lies ahead is unending day.

Tell Me What You Think

Do you have a toxic desire?  Are you still struggling with it?

What are the best ways you have found to let go of your toxic desires?

Share your thoughts, especially if you have specific tips that will help other readers. I want to hear your perspective on this topic.

“You are not broken,” said Panache. “Everything you need is within you.”

There is a universal force that we are all a part of.  It is Love.  Some call it God.  This is how Panache expressed it.

“Any words I would use to describe God would diminish God”
-Panache Desai (Tweet This)

In the opening lines of the Tao te Ching, Lao Tzu says, “The Tao (way/path) that can be trodden is not the enduring and unchanging Tao. The name that can be named is not the enduring and unchanging name.” 

If the true “way” or the Tao is unnameable and “God” is indescribable, how can you know this inexplicable force that sustains everything and of which we are all a part?

You experience divinity through your humanity.

The ego fights this idea. It tells you that you are not worthy to experience divinity.  And so you project divinity on something or someone outside of yourself.

The truth is you are divine. You have come to earth and you have come to your life to experience what you have experienced…and it’s all so that you might pass through the doorway to the divine.

“Our humanity is the doorway to the divine.”
-Panache Desai (Tweet This)

If you will be courageous enough to release the judgments you have held against yourself and be willing to face your greatest fear–that you embody the divine–you  will be amazed by the love and grace you meet on the other side of the door.

You will be at peace, no matter what is happening around you.

Once you have passed through the door and experienced this everlasting, infinite grace and love, you will know it because you will feel strangely “at home.”

So if you desire peace, you must first take courage, step into your own power and walk through the door of your human experience.  You must embrace it fully–all of it–without judgment and without fear, and you must recognize in your own face the face of the divine.

Would love to hear your thoughts. What is the biggest thing holding you back from embracing the spark of God within you?

 Photo Credit: Panache Desai

Duration: 25:18

Author, Denise Barreto

This is the second part of a 2-part discussion with Denise Barreto, author of the book, From Here to There: 5 Steps to Doing Your Life’s Work Every Day.  

(Check out Part One here)

Denise has identified a 5-step process that will allow you to do your life’s work no matter where you are in your career or life journey.

Denise asserts that you do not need to be an entrepreneur to pursue your life’s work.  You can do your life’s work right where you are right now!

In this episode, Denise and I discuss each of the 5 steps of the process in detail and Denise shares some great insights on how you can apply this process in your own life!

Learn more about Denise and her mission at Relationships Matter Now!

Driven

Focused

Goal-oriented

Ambitious

Compassionate

Kind

Sarcastic

Witty

Wise

And in the past, I would have added “passionate” to the list.  In reality, I was still searching  for my passion in life.

Where Does Passion Come From?

Now I know passion comes from within.  I guess I always may have known it—any self-help book/guide/program will tell you this—but I had never experienced it myself.

I had never found the sacred space where the font of inspiration lies…that is, until now. I found the secret garden.  I did not plan it, nor was it what I expected it to be.

At this point, you may be wondering how I made this discovery.

Did the heavens split open with light from above?  Did I have some deep, life-changing epiphany?

The answer is yes…and no.

Life-changing, yes.  But not in a ramped-up, high-octane, hotel-seminar sort of way. It was life changing in the single-step, small-decision, “two-roads-diverged” kind of way.  Seems like all of these “road-less-taken” moments often precede the most life-altering decisions that you and I make, don’t they?

At the Crossroads

I hit a crossroads; and like the poet, I could not travel both roads.  I had to make a choice.

I won’t lie. I stood paralyzed there in the thicket of life a long time, considering both paths.  Finally, I gathered my strength and stepped out on the road with which I was least familiar.

I began charting my course as I went along. I made mistakes and course corrections. But then, a curious thing happened.  I reached a bend in the road, and I looked back toward my comfort zone. It was hard to see clearly from where I now stood.  I thought of how far I had come, and I chuckled and shook my head.

Then I turned back to the path that lay before me. Branches and weeds obscured it a bit. Stillness filled the air, and a lazy fog crept across the way. I couldn’t see the obstacles that lay in the path before me, but I knew they were there.

I was not afraid.

What is this? I thought, a bit surprised.  Where has this new-found courage come from?  

It was then I realized that the moment I chose to walk away from my comfort zone was the same moment I stepped into the center of my “sweet spot.”  (Tweet This)

As I took the next step I could see, I realized that I had found my passion, for it had never left in the first place.

Have You Found Your Passion?

Have you found your own passion-filled “sweet spot” in life? If so, have you ever come to a place where you felt passionless or as if you had lost your passion? How did you find it (or reclaim it)?

Duration: 25:56

Author, Denise Barreto

This is the first part of a 2-part discussion with Denise Barreto, author of the book, From Here to There: 5 Steps to Doing Your Life’s Work Every Day. (listen to Part 2)

Denise has identified a 5-step process that will allow you to do your life’s work no matter where you are in your career or life journey.

Denise asserts that you do not need to be an entrepreneur to pursue your life’s work.  You can do your life’s work right where you are right now!

In this episode, Denise shares personal anecdotes of how she honed her best skills long before she left her job to do her life’s work as a small business owner.  Her story will inspire you.

Learn more about Denise and her mission at Relationships Matter Now!

(In Part 2 of the discussion, Denise and I talk through the 5-step process, step-by-step so be sure to tune in next week as well!)

Impossible!!!

It seems so much more daunting that it really is.

It’s only because you and I have certain beliefs we hold about what is possible or not–and even beliefs about the idea of possibility.

We think that the impossible is something that is grand and overwhelming–that only the superheroes and over-achievers attempt.

This is horse pucky!

You Have Done a Thousand Impossible Things

List them.

I dare you.

There are a thousand things that were once impossible that you now do easily, confidently and without thought.

1. Walking

2. Running

3. Learning a new skill

4. Reading

5. Speaking

6. Breathing

And the list goes on.  Everything in your life, at one point or another, was impossible.

Therefore, Doing the Impossible is Normal!

We have created beliefs about our ability to do impossible things, but they are all full of caca.

Here are a list of things that I have done in the past couple of years which seemed to be impossible.

1. Wrote/published a book.

2. Created a website–correction, 4 websites–with no  previous programming or web design knowledge or skills.

3. Started a speaking and writing career.

4. Took a sidetrack and started a new job to support my dreams.

5. Re-evaluated and shored up my most important relationship

6. Launched a new coaching project and successfully executed several powerful coaching session (in the last month)

Notice the impossible things that were disguised as failures or the result of a failure (ie, #4 and 5)?  This is your life, so muck it up!  It’s okay.

Here’s the point…

You don’t have to wait to do what seems impossible.

What one thing do you believe to be impossible to you in 2013?  Go do that.

If you are discouraged or unsure, it is because you are unclear.  Create clarity by getting real and breaking it down into ridiculously obviously small steps.  Then take those steps until the task is done and you have achieved the impossible.

What impossible thing are you excited to do this year?

What do you think is holding you back from doing it?

How are you planning to take action toward doing that thing?

photo/quote credit: Daily Inspiration and Motivation

A few days ago, I saw a great idea posted on Facebook.  It was to take a jar and write down each good thing that happened in 2013 on a slips of paper.  Then, on New Years Eve this year, you can review and be grateful for all the wonderful things that happened.

“shatterproof” and about $6 each

I decided to take on this practice.  But I’m tweaking it a bit.  I’m creating what I call a “Wonderful World” jar–just because I love that song.–for my gratitude jar.

I’m doing a second, and I’m writing my goals and ambitions for the year and putting them in it.

Some of you had expressed a desire to do this as well, so I thought I would share what I’m doing so you can steal some of my ideas or share some of your own.

(If you do, please pop over to the FB page and share pics of your ideas)

Abstract rainbow reminds me the sky is the limit

While I like the clean look of the plexiglass containers, I decided to decorate the outside of mine just because I am making a concerted effort to engage my creativity more.

The abstract rainbow design reminds me that the sky is the limit when it comes to my goals and ambitions.

The pastoral scene on the alternate side reminds me that generally my dreams and goals are too small.  It reminds me to step back and remember the big picture.

Reminds me to dream bigger!

I cut strips of brightly colored paper to write my goals and gratitudes on–again, just to be more creative.

It can be difficult to manage too many goals at once.  So, the red strips indicate a measurable goal that I am actively working toward.

The orange strips indicate desires that I hold–but am trusting to the hands of the Universe.

The “how” is best left in hands greater than your own

If you are creating your own goals for the new year, here are some reminders.

Goal-Setting Reminders

1. Use the present tense
Remember to state your goals in the present.

2. Use the word “to”
Start your goals with “to”.  Example: To create $1,000,000 in revenue by 12/31/2013.

3. Be clear
The more clear you are, the better chance you have for following through on your goals. If they are unclear, you’ll become distracted or discouraged and probably won’t persevere.

Affirmation Reminders

When you’re writing your affirmations or your desires follow some of these tips.

1. Use present tense.
Again, using present tense will begin the process of bringing what you desire into your reality.

2. Start with “I am…”
“I am…” is a powerful statement.  Use the power of I am to make your desires real.

Example: I am in good health.  I am constantly achieving my goals.

The point of this practice isn’t to be delusional or to lie to yourself.  It is quite the opposite.  What you say in your thoughts and words becomes believable to you.

You will start to believe the things you think repeatedly and the things you say.  Watch what you’re thinking and saying, and how you’re thinking about it or saying it.  Words have power.

3. Avoid “I want…” or “I don’t want…” at all costs!!
I found myself doing this as I was writing my desires out.  Don’t do it.

Stating your desires in the form of a “want” is acknowledging the lack of that thing.  It may seem like semantics but it isn’t. Your soul knows no lack. It is infinite and ever-expansive.

The Universe is abundant and it will reflect back to you that which you are–not what you desire.

If you begin to believe that there is lack in your world, your reality will begin to reflect it back to you.  Circumstances will happen “out of nowhere” that seem to block you at every turn.

Here are some of my goals/ambitions for 2013.

BONUS TIP: on the back of your “goal strips,” be sure to write your “why”.  Remind yourself why this is such an important goal and what it means to you.  By writing it down, you make it more emotionally impactful.

What are your goals or desires for 2013?  Please share a couple in the comments below.  Would love to hear what you’re dreaming for this year!

NOTE: Read to the end (or skip there now) for a great opportunity to work with me directly in 2013.

In my riff about 2013, I shared my new and improved mission.

To create a life and business that sustains me and enriches others

Apparently, this resonates with many of you as well.  Why?

We all want to make a difference.  We want to feel like our life matters.

I have to admit, Results and I have a rocky past.  There have been times in my life where I have achieved really great results that I’m very proud of.

And then again, other times–not so much.

Ten years ago, I stood in front of a strange house.  It was my first day of work at a new company–literally, a new company.

They were starting in the basement of some guy’s house, and I was the first real employee.  The homeowner opened the door and I followed him downstairs to my “desk”–a plastic folding table from Wal-mart.

I was excited.  Everything was new.  I had the opportunity to really have an impact.  I was hooked!

At the same time I was a bit nervous. What if the whole thing went belly-up?  (I’d already decided that my last day would be the day my paycheck didn’t clear)

Despite my apprehension, I had never worked in a place where my direct efforts would have such a direct impact on the failure or success of the organization, and so I put my whole heart into it from day one.

Results Measure Efficacy

The results you get–in any endeavor in life–measure how effective your actions have been.

Consistency in the results I create has been the most difficult characteristic for me to achieve in my life.  What about you?  Do you struggle with creating consistent outcomes?

People Pay for Results. Period.

Results Create Enthusiasm

“Show Me The Money”  – Sound familiar?

Do you want to have a successful career/business?

Create outstanding results and people will line up around the block….Literally!

Results create enthusiasm and momentum.  Word-of-mouth anticipation is worth its weight in gold.

If you want to be more profitable in your business or career, learn to create results.

Practicing What I Preach

With that in mind, I’m more determined as we head into 2013 to create results for you in everything that I produce.

Whether it is a blog post, a podcast episode or a product, I want to help you create the outcomes you desire in your life.

I want you to have a life that truly sustains you–in every way–and enriches those around you.

Let’s Create Some Positive Change Together

Are you a soulpreneur?  Do you have a business (or dream of a business) that impacts the world and those around you in a positive way?

Do you have a dream of launching a new business or product in 2013?

Do you want to step up your game and launch your own blog/site?

Do you want to create more profitability in your existing business?

I Want to Help

My mission is to create a life that “enriches others”.

I’m not just ranting about results on this post, I want to literally help you create them.  In order to step up my own game in 2013, I need to help you do the same.

As I said in the story I shared above, from my first foray into entrepreneurism, I’ve been hooked on making an impact. Fortunately, none of my fears were realized and the company we built was very successful.  But I know that in the world of small business start-ups, we were the anomaly.

If you answered “yes” to the questions above and you’re serious about making a dramatic and “wow-inspiring” difference in 2013, I want to chat with you.

I’m looking for 10 people that I can work with (free of charge) over the next couple of months to create some drastic momentum and results.

Drop your name and e-mail in the box below so I can contact you directly.

Will You Help Me?

I know all of my readers aren’t bloggers, writers, coaches, etc., and you may not be launching anything or looking for dramatic results right now. That’s okay!

If you didn’t put your name and e-mail in the box above, do you know someone who has a big dream they’re working on?  Who do you know who gets it done but really needs some guidance right now? Who would benefit from my help?

Would you take a moment and forward this link to them by private message?

Better yet, would you send a quick personal e-mail to them and encourage them to reach out to me?

Thanks so much for your help on this.  As part of this process, I’m going to be featuring some successes on the FB page as well as here on the blog so we can cheer them on and encourage each other.

Photo Credits: Jason Jones
Amuderick

]]> http://truespiritualawakening.com/profitability-creating-results-matter/feed 4 http://truespiritualawakening.com/riffs-rants-2012-2013 http://truespiritualawakening.com/riffs-rants-2012-2013#comments Fri, 21 Dec 2012 00:53:15 +0000 Steve http://truespiritualawakening.com/?p=2332 Year-End Goal Setting – What Do You Think?

2012 is coming to an end.

2013 is just around the corner.

Do you do any year-end goal setting before the New Year hits?

Is it effective for you?  How do you manage and follow through on the goals you set?  What keeps you motivated for the long haul?

I have to admit that my experience with New Year’s goal setting has been pretty hit and miss (probably mostly miss!).

There are some things that I know I want to be different in the coming year.  I feel like I can just sit down and chat with you like a close friend.  So if you’ll let me be a bit self-indulgent, I’m just gonna riff about some things I hope for myself–and for you–in the coming year.

My Year-End Riff

My career’s gotta change.  Big time.

CAREER
I’m in my 30′s now and I’m not professionally where I want to be.  What about you?  Is career a point in which you want to make some drastic changes this year?

If so, what tools are you using to help you make those changes?  Do you have any benchmarks set for what you hope to accomplish?

I do know this much, if you don’t know where you’re going, you probably won’t end up there.  I don’t have a specific format (like S.M.A.R.T.) for goal-setting, but you gotta find something that works for you and then you just gotta work it! (That’s the hardest part)

RELATIONSHIP
How is the health of your primary relationship?  Do you want (or need) to make some changes in 2013?

In this area, I’m doing okay because I’ve made it a priority.  I don’t want to shift this priority, but I could do better.  I need to be more intentional and clear in my communication.  Like a car, I just need to buff things out and shine them up a bit–do some fine tuning.

Whether you need a relationship overhaul or just a tune up, I have a couple of tips.

Number one–educate yourself. Find the area you have trouble with–like setting boundaries or communicating clearly–whatever it is, search out good resources and support to help you develop better skills in that area.

Number two–get support.  Most of us–myself included–think we can handle it.  That’s when things start to fall apart and it’s too late to do the minor adjustments that should have been made months (or maybe years) ago.  Somehow, we feel that counseling and professional support in our relationships is only for the people who can’t “get it right.”

Building a healthy relationship is a skill.  If you’ve never done it or you haven’t been trained to do it, you need to set yourself up for success.  Take classes.  Get a good marriage and family therapist.  They will have tools you can to improve your communication.

If you implement them, you will be amazed what can happen in a relatively short amount of time. (Can you tell I’m speaking from experience? Just do what you need to do. It’s so worth it).

Then…you just gotta work it–kinda like the goal-setting plan.  This can be awkward. When we get into relationships, we tend to fall into patterns of behavior.

(Hold on…gotta change the laundry. No, seriously, I’m in the middle of laundry writing this and realized that both machines are silent…brb)

Okay, Facebook is the devil when you’re in the middle of trying to write a blog post!

Back to relationships…we fall into these patterns of behavior–and communication–which then can trap us in comfort and unconsciousness.  Sometimes we know something needs to change, but we just don’t have the energy to do it so we say, “I don’t know what to do.”

You always know. Your soul knows. If you will get still and practice honoring your own integrity and intuition you can create clarity.  Then you will have to summon the courage to take action based on that clarity.

It may be a difficult conversation you know you need to have…or it may just be setting a healthy boundary regarding some disrespect that has snuck into your relationship…but you need to act on what you know.

FINANCES
Because this is so closely related to career, I need some work in this regard as well.  The good thing is that I’ve done my education when it comes to personal finances.

A few years ago, I cut up my credit cards and determined to get out of debt.  Fortunately, I’ve never gone back so I don’t have that hanging over my head.  However, I haven’t put a lot of effort and focus into continuing to build on that great foundation I set by paying off my bills.

I need to create some stability in my income and then take serious action in this area of finances (specifically saving and investing).

What about you? Are you drowning?

Don’t lose hope if you are. I used to have $20+K in consumer credit debt.  I had a car payment and a house payment, etc.  It took me a couple of years to pay it off and sell the house, but it was worth it.  Don’t give up.

If you have already got finances under your belt, what has been your “secret”?  What helped you to gain traction in the area of your finances?  I would love to hear your tips.

And then what plans do you have in this area for the coming year?  Please don’t share personal financial details, but I would love to hear your dreams for 2013.

PHYSICAL
As most of you know, I’ve had some health challenges recently.  About 2 months ago, I came down with an outbreak of the shingles.  I learned a valuable lesson in the importance of self care.  I had been constantly stressing myself, and my immune system took a dive.  I’m still building it back up.

This area can be really overwhelming to a lot of people because many of us realize how delinquent we are in exercise and diet.  I’m not a physical fitness expert.  But I know what doesn’t work for me.

It doesn’t work to hit the gym for an hour or two per day.

It doesn’t work to pull all carbs and refined sugars from my diet suddenly.

Drastic change is hard to sustain–for anyone.

We all are where we are as a result of the incremental choices we make.

So, if you need to work on your physical fitness or health, make a plan. Then work the plan.  Set small steps.

For me, this would be things like.

1. Limit drinks with high fructose corn syrup (like sodas and juices)

2. Drink lots of water–I already do this, just by slowly making it a habit.

3. Order junior or “lunch” portions when I go to a restaurant.

4. Look for a more healthy alternative at a restaurant (I love bacon cheeseburgers…but I don’t have to have one every time I go out)

Once you take these baby steps and they are habits, then you can ramp it up to cut out all soda, etc.  Whatever you decide is good for you.

Follow your gut. Do what feels good and makes you feel good (physically, mentally and emotionally), but take it in baby steps.

/rant

Looking Ahead

At the beginning, I mentioned that career is going to be a major focus of my energy in 2013.

When I started 2012, my motto was to craft a well-lived life…and to help you do the same.

I have refined that and clarified that intention.  Here is my new goal.

To create a life and career that sustains me and enriches others

Of course, I have to work hard to really flesh this out and describe what it means first in my own life so that I can make it relevant in the lives of others.

True Spiritual Awakening

This site won’t change–at least the mission of it won’t.  I may do upgrades or cosmetic face lifts to improve the user experience.

I love to connect with you through the site. I love to teach–it’s what I’m meant to do.  I will continue to share my wisdom.

I do want to improve the way in which I do this.

I want to create information that is more and more useful.  I want to share insights that really help you get a handle on your own life issues.  In short I really want to help you live a kick-ass life.

Behind the Scenes

As part of this process, I want to begin to share some “behind the scenes” type posts.

I want to share lessons I’ve learned, but I want to do it by taking you along for the ride–so you can see the lesson as it plays out in my life–and then you can apply it to yours more effectively.

For example, I’m thinking about doing a series of posts on the book-writing process.  One of my friends recently had a successful book launch.  But I’ve done it the wrong way.

I know not everyone is a writer or wants to write a book, but a lot of you do–or have at least thought of it.  Admit it!

I’d love to share what I learned and what I’ll do differently the next time.

What I Know

All of us know more than we think we do.  I’m reading the Millionaire Messanger by Brendon Burchard right now and one of the exercises the author has you do is list things you know about a variety of topics.  I was really kinda shocked at how much I knew.

It struck me that some of my unique expertise would be helpful to others. So, I would like to take some of those ideas and create some reports and e-books to provide here on the site.

A Final Thought for 2012

I know this post has been long (now nearly 1500 words).  If you’ve stuck with me, thanks.

Recently I saw Danielle LaPorte post this brief note on her Facebook page.

Be the Global You!

Over the past day or so, I’ve been a bit obsessed with this thought: Be The Global You.

This is my wish for you in the coming year–that you would find that thing that is uniquely you and you would treasure, cherish and celebrate it in every area of your life.  And if you have found your “thing,”  you would realize what a special gift that is and share your experience, knowledge and love with those around you.

So many of us are still searching, testing and experimenting and we all need a little encouragement that we’re on the right track.

(Here’s a hint: You are on the right track–life is the track!)

Would really appreciate your insights, disagreements, rants and riffs for 2012 or 2013.  Please comment below.  Then do me a favor and share this post.

Photo Credit: John Carleton 

You spend all week anticipating the weekend. You count down each day by the hour.  You make it to Wednesday and give a cheer that you only have to endure two more days until you get a reprieve.

Then Friday evening arrives. You made it!  But you’re so exhausted and drained you can barely do anything but “veg” out.

Then as Sunday evening comes to a close, your stomach starts to tighten and you’re filled with anxiety when you realize that you have to go to bed because Monday morning is coming on and facing the start of a new week is the one thing you dread most in your life.

If you’ve been there (or are there), you know how miserable it is.  You can’t stay in that condition long.  You’ll find a way to escape it–alcohol, entertainment, sex–anything just to get away from the dread, monotony and boredom.

Sometimes we spend our whole lives in this pattern of constantly escaping the dread of our lives.  We work from weekend to weekend, from vacation to vacation.

We settle.

Obviously, no one wants to live like this. But when you’re in that situation, you’re often overwhelmed with the enormity of the discontent. You don’t know which way to move and are terrified that if you make any change at all, you may end up in a situation that’s even worse than the one in which you find yourself.

What can you do?

May I suggest that the fact that you hate your life–or a portion of it–is a divine call for awakening. The only way through the pain and discomfort is by spiritual awakening and growth.

This isn’t a “band-aid” solution that will allow you to escape your misery. In fact, it is the opposite. It requires courage to transcend the pain and rise above the belief of insufficiency and entrapment that make you feel confined.

The only way to go through your pain
is to grow through your pain.

Your soul knows. Your soul realizes all that you are capable of being–all that you were meant to be.  That which you experience as pain is merely your soul whispering, “hey…pay attention.  You were meant for more than this!”

Awareness is the first step, and that is what the pain does.  In the body, as in the mind, pain calls you to awareness that a change needs to be made.

If you feel “dead” inside, or if you feel drained of motivation and enthusiasm, may I suggest to you that you have already come to the point of awareness.  You have looked her in the eyes.  You have felt your fear.  You have made your excuses, and you have turned away.

You have chosen to turn toward the pain of misalignment over facing the fear of uncertainty required for true growth. We all do it from time to time. You are not alone and it is not too late.

Once you recognize the truth, you can always make a different choice. Always.

What Next?

After awareness, comes the part that scares the shit out of most of us.

Taking action and surrendering the outcome.

We want guaranteed outcomes.  We want 100% assurances.  We want to believe the lie that we can mold life in such a way that will guarantee the eventuality.

The sad part is that all efforts to guarantee or assure an outcome derive from the need to control.  The need to control arises from the fear that our efforts–and more importantly, ourselves–are not enough.

The truth that you will see if you dare
to face the fear that you are enough
is that life will manifest more miraculously
than you could have ever hoped,
you will live in deep and abiding fulfillment
that you could have never orchestrated yourself,
and you will dance endlessly in the presence
of the infinite peace for which your soul so deeply longs.

You must move forward. You must do that thing from which you had previously turned away.  You must search within yourself to find the courage to rise to your greatest potential.

Then, you must do the thing that seems most improbable.  You must surrender the outcome. I don’t mean you need to give up (or give in).  Surrender, in this case, means simply recognizing and being at peace with the fact that you have fully done  your part. You have contributed all you can.  Then the rest is out of your hands.

When you can be at peace with not knowing how it will all turn out, you have found where the miracles hide because you have released the silly notion that you can control or orchestrate the outcome.  This is what makes the miracle a miracle.

The Danger of Comparison

Let’s bring this down to where we live again.  We’ve kinda floated up into the clouds in the previous paragraphs.  Don’t get me wrong–there is some really good stuff there, but let’s get practical.

Face it. One of the reasons–perhaps the reason–you hate your life is because you are comparing your circumstances, situations or outcomes to someone else.

Here’s how it broke down for me.  See if you can relate.

A few years ago I was really unhappy with my life.  No, I was miserable. I was stressed out and frustrated and I was literally making myself sick.

If you’ve read my book, then you know the story of how I was working in a hospital next to the morgue.  Every day was drudgery.

Once I recognized the message, I began to look for ways to experience more joy in the middle of my circumstance.  As I made that subtle internal adjustment, the external began to shift dramatically.

My partner–seemingly miraculously–got a job in a new state and all of my circumstances shifted at the same time.  But then I became discontent again.

I saw him manifest amazing things effortlessly.  He was making more than he had ever made in his life. Circumstances changed at work and he was given responsibility for multi-million dollar marketing budgets.  He was gaining valuable experience and opportunities just seemed to flow into his experience.

I was thrilled for him but frustrated at the same time. I saw him allowing these amazing circumstances to flow into his life experience and I wanted the same experience.

Do you see what happened there?  My wanting was the belief in lack–which perpetuated more of the same.  For me, it’s a slippery slope.

I wanted what he had so badly.  I didn’t want his job or his specific circumstances, but I wanted the effortless way in which he seemed to create his reality, all of which lined up serendipitously with his ultimate goal of being an executive.

Why can’t I create my circumstances just as easily?  Why don’t things line up for me in the same way they do for him? I began to wonder.

I was so distracted by the want for how he had created his reality, that I became miserable in my own. Nothing seemed to go right. I took a job to “get by” until things smoothed out.  I was frustrated and felt trapped.

This is the danger of comparison.  You begin to compare your life and your path to someone else’s and you lose sight of the power you do have in your own life.

I began to tell the story (and worse, to believe it) that something in him was different than me.  He just had the ability to manifest without question. In some way, his life was “magical”.  I was romanticizing his reality and demonizing my own.  If that is not a definition for hell on earth, I don’t know what is!

Then I made a life-changing discovery. Each journey is perfect for the one traveling it.  Your journey is your journey. Within your journey lie the challenges you must face and the lessons you must learn.  The same is true for each one of us.

The frustration and feeling of entrapment comes when you become distracted by and try to appropriate another’s journey.

I was so unhappy because I was looking over at my partner’s experience and comparing it to my own. No wonder I was creating misery in my own experience.  I had quit living my life and was trying to live his–in my space and time.  It doesn’t work.

The Blessing of Comparison

Comparison isn’t all bad.  How can you use this tool effectively and positively? Comparison, done right, allows you to see what is possible. It allows you to dream a bigger dream and cast a bigger vision.

When other runners saw Roger Bannister run the “impossible” 4-minute mile, they began to dream that dream for themselves.

Eventually, you will get to the place where you inspire your own greatest dreams.  Once Michael Phelps saw that it was possible to win 8 Olympic gold medals in 2008, he realized that it was possible to come back in 2012 and become the most decorated Olympian of all time.

Don’t doubt that there is a child in a gym or aquatic center somewhere in the world who will one day overturn Phelps’ record–not because it will be easy, but because she has seen that it is possible.

What is possible in your life? Are you willing to give up living someone else’s journey?  Are you willing to face your fear and step into the power that lies within you?  How will you live differently today with what you now know?

I’d love to hear and be inspired by your story…even if you’re just starting out or going through some course corrections.  Share in the comments.

Photo Credit: Brandon Warren,
 Dhilung Kirat 

Dreams are amazing things.  Our dreams fill us with enthusiasm.  They draw out the genius within and motivate us, don’t they?

Think of the big dreams in your life.

To write a book?  To be a movie star?  To own your own business? To start a family?

What are you dreams?

Notice how you feel when you think about them even now.

Of course it would be easy for me to say you should follow your dreams for lots of reasons (some listed above).  You’ll feel more fulfilled (maybe).  You’ll accomplish more than you ever thought possible.

Just bein’ honest…you’ll probably also fail more than you ever thought possible. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re just on an emotional rollercoaster of super-highs and just-as-low lows.

But when you look back, the acute discomfort of the lows is gone. The lessons remain in vivid experience.  The strength, power and conviction lends you courage and belief as you move forward.

So there are lots of reasons for following your dreams.

The Biggest Reason to Follow Your Dream

The best reason I’ve found for following your dream is not so much about what it does for you.  It’s more about what it does for and to others!

Some people will be terrified of your dream because their own ability to handle uncertainty is not as developed as yours is.  Others don’t want you to be hurt and will try protect you by trying to dissuade you from following your dreams.

But then there are the fellow-dreamers.

These are the ones who will lift you up.  They are your cheerleaders. Even if they are not courageous enough to jump out on their own, they will champion your cause.  They are just as valuable and necessary as the ones in the trenches with you.

Your light will inspire them.  The fire of your soul will burn so that the flicker of hope that lies within them jumps to respond and they will love you deeply for it.

Meet One of My Dream Sheroes

I’m SO thrilled to be the cheerleader for one of my She-roes.

Lisa Marie Selow is a courageous Rebel Rocker chick who lights my fire.

We couldn’t be more opposite. She’s a super-rad punk rock chick.  I’m the model student, over-achiever and recovering people-pleaser.  But this mystic rabble-rouser chick inspires the secret part of me that seeks to break free.  The part of me that longs to create and make an impact is inspired by her.

That’s the funny thing about dreams and dreamers… camaraderie and kindred spirits often hang out in the most unlikely places.  And if you chase down life, it will surprise you with amazingness.

This is a very special day and week for Lisa (and by extension, me).  Today is the launch of her first book, A Rebel Chick Mystic’s Guide: Healing Your Spirit With Positive Rebellion (from Hay House Publishers, Inc.) 

I don’t normally promote a lot on my site, but this book is worth it.

Watching Lisa over the last year as she battled through the publishing process has been pure inspiration.  There have been ups and downs (probably more than she let on), but through it all she persevered.  And that perseverance has paid off. (You can now find her book at your local Barnes and Noble…like she did this weekend.  Notice it’s above Eckhart Tolle…Pretty cool, huh?)

Lisa with Her Book at Barnes and Noble
(It’s the green and hot pink one by her hand)

(You can buy it here–not an affiliate link)

The bottom line is that you don’t have to be famous to make a difference.  We all start out the same–with a dream.  That’s all Lisa had a couple of years ago.  A dream and a vision.  Now, she’s reaping the rewards of all the hard work and dedication to that vision.

I’m inviting you along for the journey of your own life.  Grab your dream with both hands and work to make it happen!  You won’t be sorry you did.

If you’d like more information about Lisa’s book with advance praise, you can visit her site at www.LisaSelow.com

 Photo Credit:  Hani Amir 

Additional Photo Credit: Lisa Marie Selow

All of us want to feel empowered.  There is much talk–most of it bullshit–about stepping into your power, or claiming your power…or reclaiming your power.

What does this mean? It’s become so cliché that it’s really just self-help gibberish! (Please ignore the title of the free giveaway on my newsletter sign-up box in the right hand sidebar of this site…seriously, though, do you see what I mean?)

The modern individual has never been more personally empowered. Yet if this is true, why do so many of us feel so disempowered?

Why do we feel like our life is living us, instead of the other way around?

I’m no different from you!  I’ve struggled with finding meaning for my own life.  In fact, that’s a large part of what this site is about.

But it’s more than that.  It’s about what gives us meaning, and for each of us, the answer to that question is different. But there are some common denominators.

People who are fulfilled in life generally have stronger relationships, strong communication in their relationships, and clarity about where they’re going in life (and why).

Think about it. Whenever you feel disempowered, is it because you really feel uncertain or unsure?  When you have felt demoralized in a specific situation–maybe a career or family situation–is it because you don’t know what the future holds?

The foundation of personal power is clarity

A little clarity goes a long way!

If you feel like you’ve lost–or given up–your personal power, step back and try to gain some clarity.  This simple step will help you immeasurably.

Remember the old Nike slogan, Just Do It?

When I was a kid, this slogan embodied the spirit of the Nike company. Essentially, the slogan connected to the core of what it means to be human–that is, self-determination.

Sometimes, once you gain a little clarity, you have to just step out and move forward…and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Let me help you, no matter where you are on your journey.

My sense of fulfillment comes from being able to make a difference in your lives, but just like you, it’s easy for me to doubt myself and struggle with my own insecurities.

Recently, I had a moment of real clarity and some internal guidance come to me. It said this: Just do it!

And so I am.

What areas are you seeking clarity in?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments.

Compfight

Think of the kindest person you know.

What made you think of them?  Was it their attitude? Their disposition? Their actions?

How do you define or identify kindness, personally?

This week, some co-workers and I were treated unkindly by a supervisor.  The statement he made was so abrupt that it shocked me a bit at first, but it made me really start to think about why we choose unkindness in our interactions with one another.

It’s easy to criticize and condemn others as unkind.  It is easy to make assumptions about a person’s intent and motivations, but what about the unkindness we express toward ourselves? What about the subtle unkindness that we inflict upon others?

We set up a construct of “right and wrong” in order to give ourselves a measure against which to justify our entitlement to be unkind.  If someone is wrong, then you are justified in–no, even obligated to–call them out.

Why?

Where does the insane need to be right come from, if not the darkest corner of the ego’s narcissistic drive for validation and sustenance?  It is a true insanity. It is an abdication of the natural mind of peace and stillness.

The fight of right and wrong can never be won, yet we fight it generation after generation. We give our lives, our fortunes and even our happiness for it.  Insane!

Kindness is Giving Up the Need to Make Others Wrong

The same is even more true for ourselves.  Kindness can only come from an overflow of kindness first to one’s self.  Kindness toward yourself starts when you give up the need to make yourself wrong.

You liberate your soul when you surrender the need to shame, guilt and persecute yourself into a behavior or way of being that is judged “right” by yourself or others.  Then you return to your right mind. Then you are truly free.

Only then can you allow yourself to express kindness to others, because you have completely released yourself from the confines of guilt and shame. These shackles define you and limit you as long as you allow them power over your life.

No one can manipulate you with shame unless you agree with them that you are guilty.

We like to project our shame onto others by insisting that they have shamed, guilted or humiliated us, but shame and guilt happen within you.  Once you agree that you deserve to be called out, coerced or manipulated, then you imprison yourself.

Why are so quick to use unkindness as a tool to coerce and malign one another?  How does it serve us?

The logical, “knee-jerk” response is, It doesn’t.  But that is not how we live.  It must serve us in some way or we would not continue to violate ourselves in such a way.  Now you may think that what I refer to as subtle unkindness is necessary.

Employees must obey the boss (especially if you’re the boss!).

Children must obey their parents (we say it’s for their own good).

Your spouse or partner ought to….you fill in the blank.

We believe the lies that coercion, sweetened with honey, is loving, caring and even kind.  Coercion is violence against the soul.

Jesus taught us that whatever we do to others we have done to ourselves when he said what you have done for the least of these, you have done to me.

Also, when he said, I don’t condemn you either. Go and don’t sin anymore, he was simply saying, “I won’t judge you. Go and don’t violate your soul’s integrity.”

We–each of us–are our own most critical judge. We condemn ourselves through the actions we take, the agreements we make and the ways in which we allow others to step over our boundaries without regard to our sacred soul’s right to be whole and at peace.

We violate our soul’s precious integrity when we choose to believe that someone else’s desires, wishes and intentions are more important to our welfare than our own.  Your intention and purpose is the ultimate reason for being. If you disregard or discount your purpose, then you violate the integrity of the soul.

We Are Unkind Because We Fear

This is the answer to it all–why are we unkind?  

We are afraid.

We choose unkindness because we have forgotten that we are love.  Perfect love casts out fear.

You choose control over uncertainty.  You choose to be right over being at peace.  You see, it’s not really about right over wrong.  It’s not you versus them.  It is about peace.  Are you willing to be at peace–not with others–but with your own soul?

If you are willing to be at peace with your soul, then you are untouchable.  No one can shake the foundations of the soul because that is the point at which we all remember that we are connected to one another. We are not separate beings, but separate expressions of the same Divine Love that created us all.

Kindness May Mean Living in Discomfort

You may try to avoid discomfort by stepping into force.  Whenever you force someone to comply, you feel a false sense of strength.  I would argue, though, that this is the place of greatest weakness.

Those who believe themselves to be most strong are often the most lost and hurting because they have chosen to disregard the peace of their own souls in favor of the fool’s gold of certainty.

Certainty is only fear masquerading as strength.

Certainty is dangerous because it allows us to believe the lies we tell ourselves.  It allows us to believe in stability and believe that we are in control.  It allows us to disconnect our consciousness from the flow of the energy of life.  These are all merely shadows of the ego.

Embrace discomfort, for it reminds you that you are present. It’s hard to avoid the present-moment reality when you are uncomfortable.  If you don’t medicate, distract from or avoid discomfort, it can be a powerful experience of peace in the middle of the storm of whatever is happening in your life.

When you are able to sit down in the center of your discomfort and feel it–every moment and every uncomfortable pang–then you have true power.  You will realize that even in the middle of crazy upheaval, you are at peace.  Peace is power.

Be Kind

The Bible tells us to be kind to one another.

Why?

It comes down to this.  Kindness to yourself is the way to peace. When you are truly kind to yourself, then the power of others over you is drained away like a sudden rain gush down a sewer drain.

Kindness is the way to sanity. Kindness is the way to yourself.  Kindness is the way to find and love God in every face you see.

Kindness is the key.

Photo 1 Credit:  Medo 

Winter in Wisconsin sucks balls.  It just does. It’s COLD and snowy…really snowy!

The part I hate most of all is having to go out in the cold and snow.  But there’s not really a choice, since it will be like this from about November through March or April.

…And so I brave the elements in order to get to work, do the grocery shopping and carry on with life until the cold weather breaks.

The worst part of all the snow is that it just piles up and there’s no where to put it….and it just keeps falling.

A couple of winters ago, I was running late for a meeting.  I went out to my car, started it up and put it in reverse.  I stepped on the gas.  The engine revved but the car didn’t move.

I gave it a bit more gas and turned the wheel slightly, trying to back out of the parking space into which my car had become ensconced by the snow.  Like a bear huddled in a hibernation den for the winter, my car seemed reluctant to move from it’s cozy snow den.

“Dammit,” I muttered under my breath, jamming my foot onto the accelerator.

I knew it was a lost cause, as the tires spun on the ice beneath the car.

I don’t know why we do that…especially those of us who’ve grown up all our lives around winter weather.  Why do we continue to spin the tires when we’re stuck?  We know it won’t help us gain traction…and will probably actually do the opposite.  Still, we persist.

Why You’re Stuck In Life

Life is the same way.  You feel trapped in a dead-end job.  You know the relationship you’re in has soured, but you can’t bring yourself to walk away.  No matter how hard you try, you can’t stay committed to that exercise regiment and diet plan.   You feel like pulling your hair out.

We as humans are ingenuity machines. Why, then, are so many of us stuck in life?

I have a theory.  You are stuck because when you’re stuck, you don’t have to stretch.

When You’re Stuck, You Don’t Have to Stretch
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“Stuck” is Security

What do I mean by “when you’re stuck, you don’t have to stretch”?

For many of us, being stuck is safe.  No,  it’s not comfortable, but it is safe.  It’s known, and most of us fear the unknown more than we fear almost anything else.

Let’s face it. That’s why most of us fear death.  Not because of death, per se.  But we are afraid of what it will be like to die. We’re afraid of how we will die.

Will it hurt?  Will we know what’s going on?  What happens the minute after we die? We are terrorized by the unknown.

And so we live life, content to be stuck because then we don’t have to stretch.

Getting “Un-stuck”

Breaking free of the state of “stuckness” requires you to stretch.  You have to become something that you fear (something unknown).

You have to walk toward something you’ve never done and ultimately embrace someone you’ve never been (or at least never thought you could be).

The power of shaking it up comes when you choose to stretch yourself–even in the small ways–instead of opting for the convenient stuckness.

So make a habit of stretching. Stretch yourself physically. Stretch yourself mentally. Stretch yourself psychologically and emotionally–and in every other way you can imagine.

Soon, stretching yourself will be your strength and being stuck will be a distant memory because you’ll know that all you have to do when you feel stuck is to stretch!

Photo Credit 1:  Alex Proimos

Photo Credit 2: Andrew Whalley

You want to make an impact.  No, you must make and impact.

Even when you were a little kid, you knew that you were meant for something great. You knew you had something to say to the world that only you could say.

Then life got in the way. It does for all of us.

Here’s the thing.  You are not alone. Every single one of us has a unique and powerful perspective that we bring to the world.

But you and I–all of us–spend our life time muting that perspective.

We sand our “rough edges” and at the same time, blunt our originality.

Discounting your personal value and the essence of your perspective
is the supreme mistake of your life.
Tweet It! 

Tough Medicine

What is the antidote?

I wish it were easy. It isn’t.

It takes work to remember who you are, embrace who you are, and deliver yourself unreservedly to the world.

Here’s the truth:

You won’t fit in.

They won’t understand you (or the choices you make).

You will probably feel isolated at times.

This is also truth:

You must persevere.

They will eventually respect you (and the choices you’ve made)

You are not alone. You are unique

The Soulpreneur’s Mission

Whether you realize it or not, you are a soulpreneur.  Even if you’re not in business for yourself, you are crafting the life you were meant to lead.

This requires you to turn your back on convention.  You have to face your fears and realize that you are more than your fears. You have to forge your own path and make a way.

You must recognize that the obstacles that you face are merely the cauldrons in which the power of the heat of your adversity is held–the crucible of the strength that lies within you.

The 3 Questions

As a soulpreneur, you must ask three vital questions.  The true answers lie only within the fire of the depths of your own soul!

1. Who do I serve?

2. How do I serve?

3. How do I want to be paid?

How do those sit with you? Does the third question rub you the wrong way? Good.

Then you have found that you have a spiritual hang-up–yes, that’s the official term–with valuing your gifts.

How do I know? I once faced the same squirm-in-my-seat sort of discomfort with every part of that third question.

I was damn good at the serving part.  Not so much when it came to getting paid. Especially when it came to me deciding how I wanted to be paid!

You see, as soon as I was ten years old and my brother and I started our first paper route, a boss told us how we were going to be paid.  “$XX per paper,” he said.

Then, at sixteen, I got a ”real” job and the boss said, “$XX per hour.”

Wow, I’m making great money! I thought.

I never questioned how I wanted to be paid.  Imagine if I had taken even an hour at the age of sixteen and really considered how I wanted to be paid.

I could have chosen to be paid in any number of ways.

You can too. It’s not too late.  You can choose.

The highest rates of pay are created by a conscious decision to create a better path for energy–in the form of money–to flow to you.  Tweet It!

If you get this principle, it will transform your life (and your financial situation).  I promise.

Now Over to You

I would love to hear your answers to these 3 powerful questions.

Since you’re reading this, I have a feeling you’ve given one, or maybe even two, of them a lot of thought.

Which one have you not given much consideration?  What obstacles have you faced when you answered these questions?

How did you overcome those obstacles?  Please join in the conversation in the comments below.

Photo Credit 1: Thomas Hawk via Compfight

Photo Credit 2: Dan Brown via Compfight

Photo Credit

I was sitting in my cubicle at work this week and this thought popped into my head: What the hell and I doing here?

Maybe the fact that I was coming down with the flu had something to do with it, but probably not much.

Have you ever been in this situation?  Have you sat alone for a moment and wondered why you were doing what you were doing?

If you have, you probably come up with answers like “I have to pay the bills” or “I’ve got to make a living.”

That’s true.  But why not pay the bills and make a living at the same time you’re living the life of your dreams?

A dream life is not necessarily about fast cars, big houses and tons of money.  A dream life is a life of your dreams.  It’s the life you imagine for yourself.  Your dream life is made up of your “important work”–the work you were meant to do.

I don’t know about you, but most of us aren’t living the life we would imagine for ourselves.  Instead, we’re living a “responsible” or “stable” life.

Crafting a Dream Life

I am launching a new movement in 2013!

You can wake up every morning and do the work that you came here to do and make a living at the same time.

You can live a life that invigorates and energizes you.

You can be the lucky one who posts on Facebook: “I love my life/job” (and really mean it)

This movement is all about helping you to identify your “important work” and then to blend that with the life you imagine for yourself.

This movement is about your life. It’s about creating momentum.  In order to do that, you need community and support.  That’s where the TSA blog and community comes in.

I’m creating a brand new over-the-top freebie to give away on the website and I would like your input.  The sky is the limit.

Photo Credit

You can overcome any obstacle if you let go of the story you’re believing about it.

It’s that simple…and that difficult!

The obstacles that stop you only stop you because of some fear you harbor.

A couple of years ago, my partner and I were having a heated discussion about my ambitions of being a speaker and writer.

I was excusing my lack of results and he said, “Maybe you’re afraid of failure…or success.”

Immediately my mind revolted. I’m not afraid, I thought.

I was lying to myself and until I was able to overcome the story, I was shackled by it.

When you throw off the drama of your story, you release the limitations of the story.

So how do you overcome any obstacle?

How I Overcame My Despair

Years ago, I went through an awful breakup.  It was one of those that sticks with you for months.  The cloud of depression hunkered down on top of me and wouldn’t break.

At one point, I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on.  It was awful.

The defining moment came when I recognized that I had been telling a debilitating story.

It was called Victimhood.  It’s a short story. It essentially says, “He/She hurt me. I’ve been victimized, because he/she did this to me.”

How to Overcome Any Obstacle

1. Recognize Your Story
Look for signals like “I can’t because…” or “I would if…”

Any excuse you make for why you’re not overcoming your obstacle is a red flag to tell you that you’re buying into a story.

Once I recognized the story, I realized that it wasn’t true, number one.  And number two, I recognized that I could change it.

2. Tell The Truth About Your Story
Once you recognize the story, it’s time to start telling the truth–to yourself, first and then to others.

In my case, I started to tell a  new story. I had put a lot of expectations on the broken relationship.  I was trying to make the other person the one.  It wasn’t meant to be, and ultimately the relationship crumbled under the pressure of these heavy expectations.

When I started telling this story, I was filled with compassion–first for myself. I forgave myself for the insecurity that caused me to pressure another person into trying to be something he was not.

After I forgave myself, I was able to extend grace to the other person and realize I had no need to forgive him in the first place.  The healing was instantaneous.

Grace and compassion flowed, unforced and uncoerced.  I was free from the pain of my story.

How ‘Bout You?

What story are you clinging to? What is the obstacle you can’t seem to overcome? What is the excuse that you tell yourself (and others)?  Let’s help each other heal!

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You are afraid of what they might think.

Afraid of what they might say.

Afraid of what they might do.

And so the relationship is never challenged. But it may never be saved either.

The distrust and anger may escalate. Or the misunderstanding may be resolved.

You never know what is possible if you don’t do
what you’re most afraid to do.
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What if you never tell the story you were born to tell?

What if you never save the soul that only you can reach?

What if you never live the life you came here to live?

You rob us of your artistry.  You steal from us the love that you alone can give.  And you strip your soul of the potential to be all that you were meant to be.

A life poorly lived is the greatest human tragedy, for when any one of our lives is squandered, we are all impoverished.

Center, Missouri is an ordinary town, but what transpired there one summer night more than ten years ago was extraordinary.

Center is the type of country town with a small post office, a park (with veteran’s memorial), a small convenience-shop gas station, and one blinking stop light on the main intersection of the highway that bisects the town.

As a city boy, my friends were eager to introduce me to nightlife in the country.

“Watch out for Tom’s cows out on the County Route.” It sounded like ‘root,’ but we barely heard their mom’s warning as we sprinted out the door.

Seems the cattle were escape artists who found the grass greener in the pasture on the other side of the road.

We TP’d* their aunt’s house with toilet paper from her own linen closet (because no one locks their door in the country) and “forked” her yard before we headed over to Hannibal, Missouri (you know the one…land of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer) for a late night adventure.

Thank God Dairy Queen closes late in the summer and Wal-Mart is open 24 hours!

With a large circular rack of “old-lady” mumu’s next to an end cap of brightly colored feather boas, and racks and racks of shoes for dress up, why would you not stage a late night “fashion” show (which may or may not have been featured on PeopleofWalmart.com)?

Well, as they say…”it’s all fun and games”…until security boots you out the door!

All that’s left then is a midnight drive through the cemetery of a country church. (But that is another story altogether).

*TP – v. “A form of vandalism where the vandals put toilet paper all over the victim’s house.” – Urban Dictionary

Creating an Extraordinary Life

Being extraordinary is not necessarily about what you do,
but rather about how you do it.
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Greatness is uncommon.

You don’t have to get yourself kicked out of Wal-mart in the middle of the night. (Though I would consider a life in which you’ve never seen your picture on PeopleofWalmart.com at least once to be strangely incomplete)

You don’t need to go to the moon.

You may only ever visit exotic countries in  your dreams.

You can still craft an extraordinary life.

An Extraordinary Life is an Uncommon Life

Conventional wisdom says that to live an extraordinary life all you need to do is what other people aren’t.  But that’s only part of the equation.

To truly craft an uncommonly great life, you must consciously do what other people are not doing (or will not do).

Intention is strategic. It’s directing the focus of your relationships, business and life in a purposeful way. It’s looking ahead and making decisions to place yourself  squarely in the center of the extraordinary.

It’s Not Always the “Big” Stuff

“Not all of us can do great things.
But we can do small things with great love.”
- Mother Teresa

Don’t strive to do the great things; do the small things, greatly.  Tweet This Quote

An uncommon life will be yours if you look for the smallest thing you can do greatly today and do it repeatedly. Then look for another thing you can do great and add it to the first.  Soon your life will be filled with greatness because excellence has become a habit.

How did you learn your best “greatness” lesson?  Who taught you excellence and in what area of your life?  Let me hear your thoughts below!

 Photo Credit: Markusram

Think about an area of your life with which you struggle.  Maybe it is finances. Maybe it is relationships.  Maybe it is physical fitness.

All of us have some area of our lives we wish we were better at managing, right?

Why do you do what you do?  Why do you keep taking the same actions that have brought you to the place you are now?

The long answer is that your thoughts create your emotions and beliefs which motivate the action you take.

You do what you do because you of how you feel or believe about it–whether it be money, relationships or your own health.

How to Change It Up?

You can diet all day long and never keep the weight off.

You can read every Dr. Phil book on relationships that you can find, and still not be satisfied with your own.

You can follow every bit of financial advice that Suze Orman ever doled out and still wallow in feelings of lack and insufficiency.

How do you change it up?

Change what you think. Change what you believe. Change what you feel.

Change your life.

Ultimately, the actions you take create the results you get, and your actions are always based on your thoughts and emotions–even if they are unconscious or subconscious.

That is why you do what you do.

The Short Answer

The short answer to the title question is it works for you.

It’s not pretty. You may not want to believe it is true, but dysfunction in  any area of your life works for you in some way or another, or you would change it.

The key then is to uncover how it works or the way in which it works for you.

Once you identify that root, you can make a better choice.

You can then affirm, “This (fill in the blank with your behavior–over eating, over spending, etc.) works for me, but there is a better way. I choose ________________ instead.”

In this way, you root out the old behavior that doesn’t serve you and replace it consciously with a more fruitful behavior.

What do you think?  What area of your life/behavior would you like to change? What behavior/idea would serve you better?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. I know your experience and ideas will help lots of others reading this post.  Share your thoughts below.

Do you ever feel like you’re not–smart, pretty, successful–enough?

This is a little poetry offering to  (and reminder of) the Source of love, creativity, and strength that lies within you.

Just…Enough

“Not… enough,”
Your demons swarm and hiss.
Pretty enough
Smart enough
Strong enough
ENOUGH!

Silently, the River flows on.
Time ripples and swirls
Around the fear, doubt and pain.

“Just remember,”
The wind whips and whispers.
Remember the mighty Oak
Nourished by Time
Lapping at its feet.
You are the Oak.

Remember
Remember who sits beneath the shade of your branches,
Looking up into your canopy with wonder and awe.

“Fear not”
Your soul, calm, remembers
Embrace imperfection
The knots of your trunk
Produce beautiful, seasoned planks,
Once sanded and finished.

It is enough that you
stand.
It is enough that you
survive.
It is enough for
today.

Nothing more
Nothing less
Just…enough.

Keys to Healthy Relationships

My buddy, Deone from Releasing Me Today recently posted an article on forgiving yourself and freeing yourself from the negative influence of others.

At the beginning of the article, he talks about the assumptions we make and how they influence our relationships.

It made me think about the 2 most powerful keys that have drastically and permanently moved my own relationship forward, and I had to share.

In fact, I am convinced that without these two insights, I would still be struggling in the land of singleness or striving to hold an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship together to avoid loneliness.

Unlocking Connection and Clarity in Your Relationship

1. Make No Assumptions (or at least learn to recognize the ones you do make)
I learned this  from don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements. He expands on this principle in the follow-up book The Mastery of Love. (I recommend both)

We all make assumptions of our significant others.  We make assumptions about the roles each of us play in the relationship. We make assumptions about our partner’s personality, dreams and goals.  We assume a lot of shit.

The secret to unlocking connection and vulnerability in your relationship is to recognize the assumptions you’re making.  Once you recognize the assumptions (or judgments) you’re making, you can make a choice to change them.

Quick Tip: Here’s a quick tip to help you recognize an assumption/judgment you are making.  Look for absolutes–like when you think or say, “He/She always (or never) does ‘xyz’.”  Or “That’s just the way he/she is.”

Whenever you speak/think in absolutes of “always/never, etc.,” you are making assumptions.  They may be well-founded, but they are still assumptions, and they are damaging.

2. Unload Your Expectations
The second key to creating clarity and connection in your relationship has to do with the expectations you harbor within your relationship.

Expectations are interwoven with assumptions. Often, we assume a certain behavior and expect a certain outcome all in the same thought.

No one can live up to someone else’s expectations because we can’t even live up to our own expectations.  The truth is that you don’t even know what you expect.

You may think that you have clearly identified and communicated your expectations, but there are always hidden expectations that you carry through life.

In regard to assumptions, it’s helpful to learn to recognize them.  When it comes to expectations, don’t even try.

The best option is to just learn to live in a state of non-expectation as much as possible.

How the hell do you do that? You’re probably wondering.

So glad you asked.

“I Need Nothing”

Expectations grow from your need to control outcomes.  When you release that need, expectations diminish.

If you can embrace life in the present, as it is coming to you and not make any assumptions about what it means or doesn’t mean, then you can release a lot of the expectations you carry into your life.

Within relationships, the happiest place to be is the place of “I need nothing.”

This space is complete non-resistance and, at the same time, ultimate power.

When you exist in a place of needing nothing, you cannot be manipulated or controlled by external forces.

When you do not need approval or acceptance by others, you have freed yourself.

When you do not need your partner to do or be anything different than what he or she is, then you have freed your partner.

We fear letting go because we are deluded into believing we have control in the first place.

Your power (in relationships and in life) lies in your ability to be present and experience life as it is without expectation and without making assumptions.

What Do You Think?

Now the best part…your thoughts.

I know you’ll have agreements (and probably disagreements) with my thoughts on this.  Love to hear them all. Comment below.

Do you believe that a relationship must have expectations?  If so, why?

Do you think that some assumptions are healthy or necessary?  Let me know what you think.

Photo Credit: Tekke

How have making assumptions or carrying expectations helped or hurt your relationships?

When I first started out building a presence online, I was full of ideas about how I wanted to change the world. I really wanted to have an impact. I wanted to show people how to live and how to transform their lives.

This week, I watched an interview by Marie Forleo with Chris Gillebeau, and it made me think about what it means to be truly useful to others.

The interview itself is about his new book and about entrepreneurs and–specifically–”start-up” entrepreneurs, but something Chris said really resonated with me.

I’m paraphrasing, but he basically said that it’s not enough to be successful, you have to be useful.

This seems like common sense, but it isn’t.

Breaking the “I” Pattern

Do you see the flaw of my thinking when I first started out?

All of my ambitions seemed to be driven by altruism, but if you look closely, it was really all about me!

I want to show people how to live…but what if they don’t necessarily need to be shown how to live?

I wanted to help people transform their lives…but what if all they want to do is learn to be more happy with the life they have?

Because I was so focused on how I wanted to help them, I missed the boat!

I was trying to give to others what I most needed and wanted myself instead of focusing on what they truly wanted.

How to Be Useful

If you focus on giving what you most want and need to yourself first, then you will always have clarity about how you can best help and serve others.

In short, you will be useful by meeting others at the point of their need, not yours!

What do you think?

How are you most useful to others in the world?  How are others most useful to you?  What resources (books, websites, people, organizations) are most helpful?  Why?

I would love to hear your insight and get a good discussion going here on the subject of usefulness.

This episode is a follow-up on the previous discussion about affirmations. I discuss keys to manifesting and attraction–including affirmations, the importance of emotional alignment, and the power of taking action (properly).

As always, the intention is to provide you practical insights that will help you apply philosophical truths.

Be Nice and Share

If you liked this post, share it with your friends, fans and followers!  StumbleTweet-a-Link It!

Be sure to join our community by subscribing to our e-mail list in the sidebar of this site or in the box below this post.

Oh…and most importantly, share your thoughts in the comments below!

Note: This post is part of the 31-post Ultimate Blog Challenge. During the month of July, 2012, I will be posting 31 times. Since this is a lot of posts over a short period of time, I prepared a special page where you can catch any you may have missed.

Lights…Camera…Action!

Lights…Camera…Action

The epitomic call of the movie director is a great analogy for life.

Most of us live our life as if the call were, “Action…Action…Action!”  We blunder through life without any real understanding of what we’re doing and no record of analysis by which to weigh the action we’re taking.

Others live life as if the phrase were, “Camera…Camera…Camera!”  We are so reflective that we never actually get to the point of really taking any action.

We’re worried about the shot angle and the subject composition, and everything else.  And just when we get it perfect, we decide that we should start over.  The analysis, that is.  We are paralyzed.

Still others of us believe the phrase is, “Lights…Lights…Lights!”   We get as much information as we can.  Then we get educated.  Then we do a study. Then we get more education. Then we decide we need another certification or degree.

The key is to put things in the proper perspective.

Gain understanding or education (lights), do your reflection and planning and then take action.  You have to keep the process well-ordered, or you will end up paralyzed by fear.

Thought Drives Action

All your action is driven by your thoughts (or emotions, which are created by thoughts/beliefs).

When thoughts change, actions change
(tweet this) 

When my thoughts changed, so did the actions I was taking. Of course, when I took different action, I started getting different results, and that is when the external shifts started to occur and my external experience started to transform.

From An Imperceptible Spark

Changing your thoughts changes the direction of the action you take.  Your thoughts either make you more effective or less.  It’s seldom really about the action you take, yet this is where most people focus first.

If you don’t want to be “most people,” do something different and focus on your thoughts and then your action will align properly.

Be Nice and Share

If you liked this post, share it with your friends, fans and followers!  StumbleTweet-a-Link It!

Be sure to join our community by subscribing to our e-mail list in the sidebar of this site or in the box below this post.

Oh…and most importantly, share your thoughts in the comments below!

Note: This post is part of the 31-post Ultimate Blog Challenge. During the month of July, 2012, I will be posting 31 times. Since this is a lot of posts over a short period of time, I prepared a special page where you can catch any you may have missed.

Photo Credit: Paula Steele

In 2006, President George W. Bush made the dramatic statement, “I’m the decider, and I decide what’s best.”

This is not a post about politics, but I’m using that quote as a launching point for my assertion that you are the decider in your life.

This is the second part of a 3-part series inspired by insights from my book, An Imperceptible Spark.  If you didn’t catch part one yesterday, you can go here to check it out.

You create the meaning of your life. The nature of life is constant change and stimulus, but you decide what each circumstance of your experience means.

All my excuses began to disintegrate when I learned that I could choose joy just as easily as I had chosen fear or stress. When I realized that the source of joy arose from within, I could no longer blame the external circumstances of life.

From An Imperceptible Spark

The power of your mind and soul to choose what something does (or does not) mean to you is the power of free will.

None of us controls the things that happen in life, but each of us does control how those things impact us through the meaning we choose to assign the circumstance.

Catch the First Part of this series.

Read Part Three of the series.

Be Nice and Share

If you liked this post, share it with your friends, fans and followers!  StumbleTweet-a-Link It!

Be sure to join our community by subscribing to our e-mail list in the sidebar of this site or in the box below this post.

Oh…and most importantly, share your thoughts in the comments below!

Note: This post is part of the 31-post Ultimate Blog Challenge. During the month of July, 2012, I will be posting 31 times. Since this is a lot of posts over a short period of time, I prepared a special page where you can catch any you may have missed.