Ask a Better Question, Get a Better Answer

Asking the Right QuestionQuestion Mark

Personal performance expert Tony Robbins is known around the world for his ability to help people create motion  in their lives.

One of the most powerful insights I learned from him is expressed in this quote.

“Quality questions create a quality life.
Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.”

[Read more…]


Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Desires

What Do You Want?

Image of the word Desire

  • A boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • A better job.
  • A bigger house

Your desires are endless. And that is good.

Without desire there would be no growth. But there is a big difference between a desire for something different and the feeling of desperation caused by a belief of lack.   [Read more…]


The $64,000 Question (not really)

Debilitating Questions

Quality questions create a quality life – Tony Robbins
(Tweet This Quote)

Question mark man

Question Mark

Yesterday, I was reading through my personal Facebook newsfeed.  I noticed a comment by a friend.  I’m going to paraphrase him, but it went something like this:

I’m always trying to do better and get ahead, but nothing seems to work out for me.  What did I do to deserve this?

If it is true that the quality of our lives is based on the questions that frame them, then it’s vital that we pay attention to the questions that we ask.

What are the questions you build your life on?  Are you even aware of the questions you’re asking yourself?  Are they empowering or debilitating? [Read more…]


Excuses Are Bullshit. You Should Get a Refund!

Photo Credit: Graham Hills

“Step right up!” He hawked. It seemed like a good idea at the time, didn’t it?

All the excitement. The crowds, everyone clamoring for a chance to buy some.

“This amazin’ elixir’ll cure everything from baldness to hemorrhoids,” he promised.

How could you not buy in?

The truth is someone has sold you a load of snake oil about why you can’t (or aren’t) living the life you should be living and you need to take that shit back and get a refund!

Sad thing is, you may actually be the one who’s been selling you this baloney.  Maybe you bought it at wholesale from someone else, and then you re-sold it to yourself in retail-sized packages.

Either way, it’s time to get rid of it cuz excuses are horsepucky.

Two Types of Excuses

The excuses that you and I buy into every day that keep us from pursuing the life we deserve, can be divided into two categories–excuses of obligation and excuses of lack.

You’ve probably used both but may not have really thought about the difference.  Think back to when you were a kid and your mom said, “go clean your room.”

“I can’t,” you replied.

To which she responded, “Why not?”

“I have to do my homework.” Suddenly you were overcome by the obligation of your responsibility to work on your homework.  That’s an example of an obligatory excuse.

Imagine instead that you answered, “I don’t have enough time before I have to leave for school.”

That is an example of an excuse based on lack. Both types are bullshit!

What Is An Excuse, Really?

It’s a belief that we hold that allows us to abdicate responsibility for our lives.

As adults we become even more proficient in the use of excuses to avoid taking responsibility for our lives.  In fact, we often use responsibility as the excuse.

I have a family.

I have to be responsible.

I have a house payment now.

I have a good job.

Excuses allow you to hide.  They allow you to pretend that you are less than you really are. They allow you to fit in and mask the guilt of failing to live up to your potential.

You have everything you need to craft a well-lived life.  There is no lack. So when you find yourself saying things like “I don’t have enough time/money/education,” etc., stop yourself.

You are using your belief in “not enough” to destroy your life.  You are abdicating responsibility for your life to someone else.  And believe me, if you do not live your life, someone else will–your government, your boss, your family.

Creating a well-lived life takes courage. Period.

Those who are truly living their lives are not necessarily smarter than you.

They don’t necessarily have better opportunities.

They are definitely not more worthy or deserving of the life they lead.

They have found the key, though.  It lies in the fact that they truly lead their lives.  They wake up, take courage, and they live!

You can too.  You can decide that you are going to live your life. You can decide that you are done with excuses.  You can replace your excuses with new beliefs based on abundance and power instead of weakness and lack.

You can recognize that your world is nurturing and responsive.  It lies waiting for you to take up your power and go forward into the world as you were meant to–empowered with confidence and strength.

The choice is up to you.


Excuses Are Snakes and You Gotta Chop Their Frickin’ Heads Off!

Photo Credit: Linda Tanner

All excuses are bullshit.  I hate them!  They piss me off.They cause you to settle for a life less than the one you deserve to lead. They get in your way and allow you to avoid facing your fears.

It’s not just that they are insidious in the way they infiltrate your life, but they paralyze you.  They tie you up. You can’t move forward.  And so you settle for status quo.

I hate that for you.  You deserve better!  YOU are better!!!

So this is what we’re gonna do.  I’m gonna call these bastards out–by name!  You’re gonna be able to see them coming a mile away and when they slither up into your life’s garden, you’re gonna grab your hoe and chop their frickin’ heads off!

You know what excuses are–beliefs you hold that allow you to abdicate responsibility for your own life.  You learned to become a proficient excuse-maker as a child, no doubt; and then as an adult, you developed an expertise in excuse making.

On Thursday, I’ll be posting a podcast talking more about this topic and on Friday, I’m going to post about the two types of excuses we make and why we make them.

In the mean time, let’s look at some additional examples of excuses that we use to avoid our fears.

Additional “Snakes”

I have responsibilities now.  (Conversely, others may tell you, “You need to be responsible”)

It is bad timing.

I need this job.

I don’t have the right education/connections/experience.

I just need my big break.

All of these excuses are snakes and you need to chop their heads off!

If you are feeling guilt or shame about something, you can be pretty sure that there is a snake lurking. The expectation others have of you creates shame.  Your expectation of yourself creates guilt.

It is really easy for these snakes to slither in and offer excuses to alleviate the uncomfortable feelings of shame and guilt.  Once you accept an excuse to lean on, it takes the pressure off of you.

What do you do once you recognize them, though?  After you’ve ripped them out of your life. What then?

You’ve Eradicated the Pests…Now What?

If you don’t have your excuses to rely on, what do you do?

That’s scary.

Years ago, I used my arts degree as an excuse for not being successful in my career.  I have a music degree. I don’t have training in business.

This fact is true.  I do have a music degree.  But it was merely an excuse.  When I surrendered that excuse, I replaced it with a more powerful belief.

I love helping people.  Business is about helping people. I can help people, and I can be successful in business.

It takes balls.  You gotta be courageous.  You have to grab your dreams with your own hands and pull them out of the clouds and slam those puppies down on the foundation of your own reality.

In other words, you gotta take responsibility!

The excuses are just veils for the fears you don’t want to face. You have them. I have them. We all have them.  Good news is that when you muster the courage to look ‘em dead in the eyes, you’ll find that your fears will always be the first to flinch.

That’s cuz they’re just fakers.  Your fears are based on the beliefs you have bought into and used as excuses for why you won’t live your life with power.  Once you recognize that, then you realize that YOU are the real deal!

This doesn’t mean that your circumstances are unreal.  Hear me on this.  This doesn’t mean that the things you have used as excuses are not there.  It simply means that you do not need to use them as an excuse any more.

Excuses are just facts that we’ve twisted into lies.  The facts remain.  But you can always create new facts.  You can always choose a different belief.

What will you choose?

I would love to hear some of the excuses that have held you back and how you set them aside.  What are the empowering beliefs that you have chosen instead? Please share them in the comments below so we can all encourage and inspire each other.


The Key to Being a Better Salesperson (Hint: It’s not about better technique!)

Hand Shake

Photo Credit: buddawiggi

I am not a natural sales person (whatever that means).  But I did notice something strange.  I have the uncanny ability to promote the hell out of something (and especially someone) I believe in.

All the insecurities I have about putting myself out there flee when I am talking about someone else and their goals and their accomplishments, etc. (link to post about a song by my friends, Dan and Kiko)

Why is it so hard for me to step out of the shadows? Why is it so hard for me to be there for myself? I should be my own biggest cheerleader!

In commenting on an amazing post by Farnoosh Brock at Prolific Living, I made a startling realization.

My Painful Realization

I can promote other people’s interests but not my own because I believe in them more than I believe in myself!

Now that’s a tough pill to swallow! (but it’s true)

I have spent so much time looking for the right techniques and tools to use to build my business online, but the external tools are irrelevant until the internal mechanism is set right.

When you believe in yourself enough to be true to your vision,
marketing is never a problem!

The challenge is the belief.  That’s how it always is.  The external world always reflects the internal reality.

Shift your beliefs and the rest will fall into place. It always works this way!