Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Desires

What Do You Want?

Image of the word Desire

  • A boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • A better job.
  • A bigger house

Your desires are endless. And that is good.

Without desire there would be no growth. But there is a big difference between a desire for something different and the feeling of desperation caused by a belief of lack.  

What are you really saying?

“I wish I had a boyfriend because I don’t want to be alone.
Underlying belief: I am not enough.

“I wish I had a better job so I wouldn’t feel so lost.
Underlying belief: I can’t trust my choices, decisions and dreams.

“I wish I had a bigger house so I wouldn’t feel so worthless.” 
Underlying belief: I am not abundant. The source of abundance is outside of me.

The desire fuels a toxic cycle of discontent even if the immediate wish is satisfied because its foundation is scarcity.

What fuels your toxic desire?

What do you feel needs to change in your life?  Is it your primary relationship?  Career? Finances?

Look for a “desperation indicator”–the place where you need things to be different than they are in order for you to feel fulfilled.

That is the place. That is your toxic desire because it is driven by desperation that something is lacking. The motivation, not the wish itself, makes it toxic.

What is a Toxic Desire?

Toxic desires come from this fundamental belief: I Am Not Enough.

Why toxic?

Toxic desires embody the most fundamental form of idolatry.  By saying, “I would be complete (i.e., happy, fulfilled, at peace) if only I had/were _________,” you negate the power of God flowing through you. You deny the spark of the divine that dwells within you.  You betray yourself at the most fundamental level of the soul.

The divine can only be limited, diminished or reduced
within the confines of your own mind, heart and experience.
(Tweet This)

The power of the divine cannot be restricted in any way. That’s impossible. But your perception and experience of that power is diminished, and you have begun to believe the first and only lie–that you lack anything when you utter the words,  I am not…

The Truth Is I AM

There is nothing that you–the infinite, undying you–are not. You are infinite love, infinite peace, infinite abundance.  Every belief to the contrary is a learned condition of your mind.  

You are here to awaken. You have come to remember what you already know–that you are enough, just as you are.  You have come to experience that knowing in waking consciousness. When you do, it will transform your life experience.

There is another way.

What if, as a child, you had been taught that you are infinitely good, powerful and kind? What if you had been trained to make more empowered choices instead of less empowered ones?  How would your life be different now?

As a parent, it is easier to say, “that’s bad and it won’t be tolerated. If you do it again, you’ll be punished” than it is to make a more enlightened choice.

We continue learning according to the “reward/punishment” model as adults.  We go through life looking for what’s “bad” so we can try to avoid it.

We think we’re being punished by life when circumstances we deem “bad” or “unfair” come into our lives. There is no punishment in life except for that with which you punish yourself, and no one else may punish you unless you have allowed it. (Tweet This)

Replace “I am not…” with “I choose…”

As an awakened adult, you have the power to make a different choice.  Any time you find “I am not…” sneaking into your mind or coming out of your mouth, replace it with “I choose…”

That’s what it takes–a new point of view, a willingness to recognize and let go of limited beliefs, and the determination not to quit or become apathetic.

All you could ever want or need lies within you already. You just have to remember it and experience it.  Your soul knows.  It will guide you. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t give up. Keep yourself engaged in life. Keep yourself excited about your future. Keep yourself curious.

You need nothing. Your soul wants nothing. The only desire you really have is to experience the significance and sufficiency of yourself.

Once you realize that life is a giant playground that’s all about you experiencing the real you, then you have truly awakened.  You have come to the sunrise of the soul, and all that lies ahead is unending day.

Tell Me What You Think

Do you have a toxic desire?  Are you still struggling with it?

What are the best ways you have found to let go of your toxic desires?

Share your thoughts, especially if you have specific tips that will help other readers. I want to hear your perspective on this topic.

About Steve

Hi, I'm Steve Rice and my goal is to transform simple philosophical truths into practical fuel to revolutionize your life. It's not about self-help, it's about self-reliance. I show you how. Connect with me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and let me know how I can help you.

  • Love this topic Steve! I liken this to the exercise I do – going down the rabbit hole of asking “Why?” When I do that, I get to the bottom of why I desire something. So if the answer is one that is of “desperation indicator” then it’s time to change it up! Great lesson for people to really understand what they DON’T say when desires are expressed.

    • Thanks, Kesha. This is the same realization I came to when I was stressing about whatever wasn’t “right” in my own life. The foundation of it was usually all the unsaids—what will people think? What if I’m not good enough? What if I don’t have the abilities, etc? Once these are recognized, then it starts to take their power away. At least it did for me and I began to step forward into my own strength and the power that is innate within me. This gives me confidence to stand up and be courageous in my own life. I’m so glad the point really reached out through my post. 🙂